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Mensa Tournament 2007

Published on 06/19/07 at 19:00:56 CST by Albert Viall, Jr.

Once again it asked readers to take a word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing 1 letter & supplying a new definition.

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, rendering the subject financially
   impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid & an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, lasting until you realize it was
   your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
   ideas from penetrating. Unfortunately, it's layer shows no sign of breaking
   down any time soon.
6. Foreploy: A misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between an author of sarcastic wit & person whodoesn't
   get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you're running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
12. Karmageddon: When everybody's sending really bad vibes & the Earth
   explodes...a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon: (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
   only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk & no action.
15. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
   come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've walked
   through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets in your bedroom
   @ 3am & can't be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n): Color you turn after finding 1/2 a worm in fruit you're eating.

The WA Post's also published winning submissions of it's contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words:
1. Coffee, (n.) Person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, (adj.) Appalled by discovering how much weight you gained.
3. Abdicate, (v.) To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, (v.) To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-Nilly, (adj.) Impotent.
6. Negligent, (adj.) Absentmindedly answering the door wearing only a nightie.
7. Lymph, (v.) To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, (n.) Olive flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, (n.) Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
   over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, (n.) A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, (n.) A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, (n.) The formal dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, (n.) Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, (n.) Person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, (n.) The belief that after death the soul flies up on the
   roof & gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, (n.) Opening in front of boxers of Jewish men.

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